Flowing Through Mountains

Hi.  It’s been awhile.

I debated about uploading a picture for each day and trying to “catch up” again…but this time it didn’t feel right.  Instead, I wanted to update in one post.  It’s simpler that way.  I need simple right now.  The past couple of weeks have been extremely stressful for me.  School is almost over and I’ve begun to stress out with all that I need to do before the semester ends.  So, to alleviate some of my stress, I decided to take time off from work and focus on studying.   OK, breathe.

The first hurdle was to get through 5 days of clinical/seminars in 1 week.  My last three clinical experiences were all in a row.  Saturday 12 hours, Sunday 12 hours, Monday 8 hours = 32 hours.  Luckily, these turned out to be great experiences and I was able to do a lot of hands on learning.  Which was nice because it made the time go by a lot faster.  I thanked my preceptor, spoke with my clinical instructor, and walked out of L&D thinking…this is it.  One step closer to graduation.  A couple of days later, I had a 2-day Critical Care Seminar which was very interesting.  The speaker was very animated and taught with excitement.  I really enjoyed that experience as well.  OK, breathe.

The next hurdle was to get through 3 days of exams.  With the first exam being what I affectionately call “The Big Monster”.  This was the dreaded HESI Exit Exam.  For those of you in nursing school, you know this is a beast.  It’s a live or die moment.  Not quite as severe as the NCLEX…but close.  That was to be followed by my Med-Surg final and an exam covering Trauma/Shock.

Well.  Shit.

Let me just go ahead and say it.  I failed.  Big time.  That “Monster” ate me up and spit me out like I was rotten milk.  My whole world was flipped upside down by one test score.  Needless to say, I drank heavily that night.  But not too heavily remember…because I have two more tests to take.  (Yay… …)  Fortunately the next two tests yielded much better results.  But back to my world spinning out of control.  The result of my failed exam is that I now have to essentially score “above average” on our last comprehensive exam in 12 days.  I have to manage to re-learn, comprehend, and remember all of the information we have learned over the past 3 years, and do so while answering NCLEX style questions.  And the real kicker is…I have to do all this…in order to get an “Incomplete” in the course instead of out right failing.  If I don’t pass this exam with the highest score possible, I fail the class.  I FAIL!  I’ve never failed a class.  Sure, I’ve dropped a couple of classes I “would have” failed when I was much younger…but actually failed?!!  NO.

OK, well you still have to breathe…

On a positive side, the results of my echocardiogram and Holter monitor are that I’m a healthy 32 year old woman with occasional early heartbeats.  Per the cardiologist, there doesn’t seem to be much to worry about at this time.  Follow up appointment has been scheduled for 1 year, and I’ll call if I have any new symptoms.  OK, breathe.

So now…I wait.  Study and wait.  If I get the score I need on the 6th, I’ll be able to retake the HESI in January.  And if I pass that exam the second time, I’ll be able to graduate.  If not, I have to retake the class.  This all really sucks…but I’m trying to stay positive and push through it.

I will graduate with a BSN.  I will pass the NCLEX and become a RN.