Yoga

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I found this photo online today and it really resonated with my current mood. Today I committed to a 30 day yoga challenge and what I found out was, it felt GREAT!

The first day was a 30 minute routine with your basic positions and flows. Could I do everything perfectly? No. But it felt amazing as I worked through the routine and focused on my breathe and moving with intention.

By the end, beads of sweat were gently rolling down the side of my face and down the curve of my back. But it felt good. It wasn’t that gross kind of wore out, beat to the bone, out of breathe sweat.

It was a feeling of success and renewed strength. It felt good.

Really good.

I want…

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Why is there never enough time to do what you want to do?

The days are too short and filled with obligations and chores.

I want to play. I want to relax in the shade of a forest of trees, watching as the creatures of said forest play themselves.

I want to create. I want to enjoy the creative process without feelings of criticism, mostly from myself. I want to be able to spend hours upon hours creating.

I want to read more. I want to get caught up in another world and become so familiar with the characters that I forget they’re not “real”.

I want to walk along the ocean shore on the most perfect late afternoon and hang out until sunset. And when the sun does begin to set, I want the light to play with the clouds in such a way that it creates a magical, evolving canvas of beauty.

I want to actually enjoy a thunderstorm. I want to smell the rain and feel the breeze as the storm passes through.

I want to feel alive, not just present. How do we balance our responsibilities and our desires? How can we enjoy our existence while also maintaining our financial obligations?

I want to feel alive.
Not just “be” alive.

Aside

Knucklehead

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2 years ago we rode this ferris wheel on a wonderful, relaxing day hanging out together.

Tonight we rode VIP at night and got engaged! How crazy! And wonderful.

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Nursing school. Done.

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Wow.  I’m actually finished with nursing school. 

No, really. 
This isn’t a joke.  I took, and passed, my last nursing school final today. 

At 1pm this afternoon I walked into that building feeling confident that I would pass.  A much different sight than last semester mind you. 

Yes.  I failed a class last semester and was unable to graduate with “my class”.  I own that.  That’s my journey and I’m ok with that now.  But, I gave all of myself this semester to studying. 

I consumed rediculus amounts of coffee, stayed up all hours of the night, and ignored my friends/family to ensure that I passed this exam today.  And I passed.

I frickin passed!

It’s still hard to believe that I’m actually going to graduate from a private university with a bachelor’s degree in nursing.  What?! 

I’m proud beyond words and I think I’ll be in shock for a couple more days.  One huge step done, and one more to go. 

NCLEX is the next hurdle, but I got this.

Let your dreams set sail…

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I got a new journal today. :)

It’s been a long time since I’ve purchased a journal.  Years ago, I used to buy them ALL the time…but hardly used them.  So I told myself to quit buying them and I even got rid of most of the empty ones.

The past few days I’ve been thinking of “creative projects” and decided today that I needed a place to jot down my thoughts. 

Ta-da!
Journal aquired.

Gotta go unleash some thoughts now…♡

Insomnia

I’m so close to finishing nursing school…but I often feel like I don’t want to finish.  Why?

I feel like a creative spirit…yet I don’t feel like I create enough.  Why?

I want to eat healthier and get into better shape…but I don’t put in the time or effort.  Why?

I’d like to join a dance class of some sort…yet I’m too scared to commit.  Why?

I want kids…but am I any where near having them?

Am I happy?  I’m not unhappy…but I feel…what?

Thoughts have been running through my head nonstop lately, but I don’t know what to do with them.

As I lay down to sleep tonight…I’m wide awake.  Anyone who knows me, knows this is very strange.  All I normally have to do is lay down and less than 5 minutes later I’m asleep.

Not tonight.  Tonight I ask why.  Why do I feel this way?  What can I do to answer these questions?  Is there anything I can do to answer these questions?

Do I get up and go do something?  Be “productive”? 

It’s 5 am…maybe I’ll try to sleep again and let my dreams sort this shit out.

Searching…

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It’s “been said” that it takes a month or so to create a new habit, and through my 365 day project I had hoped to instill creativity into my everyday existence.

And I did, for that year.  After the 365 day mark passed I had a continued desire to keep “doing”, but it only took a few weeks for that to subside.  I became consumed with the everyday mundane.  Lazy, busy, stressed, forgetful, whatever word you want to choose.

Sure, there were days where I thought to myself, “You need a new project Brandi!”
And I’d answer, “Yeah, but what?!”

This question has been heavy on my mind for the last few days.  Searching the Internet for answers…I found none.  There were plenty of neat ideas, but not what I was looking for.  I knew the search would be easier if I knew what it was I was looking for…but I didn’t.

Until today.

A new, year long project starts August 1st, 2015.  I’m calling it, 365 Days of Inspiration.

Everyday I will find something that inspires me.  A poem, a song, artwork, nature, a person, anything goes.  I found through my last project that hard rules limit my creative spirit. 

I want a framework, but no boundaries.  I want to see how far my inspiration can go, and hopefully inspire some other people along the way. 

Join me will you?  It’s going to be interesting, quirky, and most of all inspiring!! :)

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