Day 50

Day 50

Stress.

I know we all have to deal with it, but dang…some days are harder than others.

Luckily, most days I’m pretty optimistic and able to see the bright side.  Fortunately, I’m learning to speak my mind and stand up for what I believe in.  Inevitably, there are days when I’m wrong, and I’m OK with that.  I take those days or situations, and try to learn something from it…try to grow as an individual.  Do I always get it right?  Hell no.  But I keep trying, and learning, and growing.

I’m grateful to have a strong support system full of friends and family that cares about me, and has my back when I need it.  Without all of them, it would be harder to deal with life’s difficulties.

Day 49

Day 49

Quiet day.  Lots of thinking, and hanging out with the dog.

Day 48

Day 48

First things first, let me just say that I do not like today’s picture.  I did not make time to take a good photo today, and I ended up with this shot.  So, I’m gonna try to write instead to make up for the crappy picture.

… … …

Things have been very confusing for me lately.

Am I on a journey forward…or stuck behind bars?  These are the thoughts going through my head.  Am I taking the right steps up…or falling downward?  These are the questions I ask myself in the night.  What am I really doing with myself?  Do I even know what I want?

I have friends and people that love me, but yet I feel lonely.  I have plenty, and yet I am yearning for more.  But what?

What am I searching for, what am I missing?

If only I could wander for awhile, and stumble upon a sign post that points in the direction that I am looking for.  Or maybe find my own Cheshire cat that guides me, albeit confusingly, in the direction I desire.

I feel lost and confused.  Stuck between the daily grind and the uncertain.

I want more from life.  I want to explore and grow.  I want to share my life and adventures with someone special.  I want to hear music that I’ve never heard before.  Music that moves me, that stirs something inside of me that I wasn’t even aware was there.  I want to open my eyes and see the world’s colors.  I want to share the joy of the sunrise on a cool, crisp morning.  I want to wake up, and feel connected to the space around me.

I want to feel happy.  I want to feel loved.  I want to feel like my life has a purpose.

The big question is…

Will I even realize when I am happy, loved, and living a purposeful life?  Or will I still be searching…on a never ending quest for the things I already have?

Day 47

Day 47

Today, I received some good news.  I had my interview at JCP portrait studio, and the manager would like to see me for a second interview.  Yay.  Then, I received an email from Sprouts offering me a job.  Double yay.  I wish I could be more happy about all that.  Instead, I spent the afternoon at Oakland Cemetery.  Which sounds a little odd, but I’m comfortable there.  It’s a beautiful place to walk around, or just sit under a shade tree.

Even though I’m glad that I’ll soon be working again, I’m still down.  My brain is on overload thinking, and thinking.  I’m hoping that by having a week alone, I’ll be able to sort out these thoughts and get my head straight.  Hoping that I don’t just get more lonely, sad, and depressed.  Hoping that I begin to get my life in order now that I’ll soon be working.  Hoping that I’ll understand what I want, and go after it.

Hoping.  For clarity.

I’m sick of thinking I understand my situation, and then the next day wondering if I made the right decision.  I’m sick of the back and forth.

It’s confusing.

And irritating.

And complicated.

Day 46

Day 46

Today started off pretty well.  Niki was going to a wedding today, and invited me along to shoot pictures.  Apparently, the family couldn’t afford a photographer, and Niki offered to see if I was willing to take the pictures.  As a matter of fact, I was.  With my interview at the portrait studio coming up tomorrow, I figured the experience would be good for me.  So, I offered to shoot the wedding for whatever they could pay.  I think things turned out pretty well.

After that though, things went downhill.  Some sad words were spoken, and some feelings hurt.  I didn’t know what to do with myself, so I reached out to my friend Marianna.  I ended up spending a few hours talking with her at her house.  It seems I called her at the perfect time though.  She’s headed out of town tomorrow for a week, and asked if I would house sit and watch her dog while they were gone.

Perfect.  I can spend some time away and think.  As much as being alone with suck, maybe it will help the current situation.  Hard to say.  This just sucks.

Day 45

Day 45

I decided to take a trip to Tallulah Falls, and see the Tallulah Gorge.  It was beautiful and serene, perfect for a day like today.  I went by myself, something that I don’t have a problem with most days, which was nice and gave me some “me” time.

Time to reflect on current situations, possible changes, and sweat, lots of sweat.  I was unaware that this adventure would include around 1,122 stairs, but I did it!  The view was amazing.  The accomplishment was satisfying.

I just wish I had a few days to spend out in nature and think.  I have a lot on my plate right now, and sometimes it’s hard to figure out what I want/what I need.

Day 44

Day 44

Ok.  So let me explain.

I have two statements to say about this picture.

1) Yes, it’s kind of a copout.  I know.  I had another picture picked out for today, but then I bumped up the contrast and it improved the image drastically.  So, I couldn’t use that image for the pic of the day.  (I’ve imposed a rule that the picture of the day must 1) Be taken that day 2) Can not be altered, except cropped)

2) I had placed my phone down on my lap with the camera open, and noticed this image on the screen.  Something about it really intrigued me, so I snapped a picture.  This image has a quality to it that causes me to think deeper.  What is it?  What does it mean?  Am I missing something?  For those reasons, I’ve chosen to use this image.  No, it’s not my best work.  I know this.  Abstract?  Yes, I think so.  There is just something here that grabs on to me and causes me to linger, and I like that feeling.

I don’t know how other people will react to this shot, but I’m kind of interesting to find out.  :)

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