Year 2/Day 88

Year 2 - Day 88

So, our first Halloween in the new place…
We bought lots of candy because, well, kids and all…

Not. One. Kid…

Damn. That’s a lot of candy…

Year 2/Day 87

Year 2 - Day 87

Just taking one day at a time…

I’m going to need a month off come the new year…

Year 2/Day 86

Year 2 - Day 86

This semester has been taking a ton of my time, and I haven’t been working as much…which sounds great…but adds a lot of extra stress when the bills come due.

It has also been really hard for me to keep up with my blog.  I’m taking pictures most days, but I get about 5 days behind before I upload and post them.  There has been so much on my mind, most days I just forget.  Then I get a couple days behind and I would post if I were caught up…but I don’t want to take the time to catch up first.  Blah…

December 12th…December 12th…

Year 2/Day 85

Year 2 - Day 85

Tea and coffee,
Coffee and tea.

That’s the life,
The life for me.

Year 2/Day 84


We received our pins tonight.  I’m still not sure how I feel about that, but it’s here.

Graduation seems like a mirage.  I still can’t accept that I’m almost done.

Year 2/Day 83


Wow.  Today I had clinical and we spent all day in the OR.  What was supposed to be a c-section with tubal ligation and tummy tuck, turned into a 4 hour intense, multiple surgery marathon.

I wasn’t able to see much of the c-section or tubal, but I saw all of the abdominoplasty.  Wow.  That was a lot of fat…

It was very interesting to watch though.  I’d really be interested to see the recovery process as well, but that’s most likely not possible.

Year 2/Day 82


Stress = school = stress

I’ve created a detailed schedule to try and combat my stress level and my constant fear of stupidity.

The end is in sight, but I’m so scared I might trip on the way there…

Year 2/Day 81


I got to pet sit this adorable little fur ball this weekend.  Such a sweetie.

Year 2/Day 80


I helped with a catering event for work tonight…high school homecoming game…eeks.

I haven’t been back to a high school since I graduated, and I think I’d be ok to not go back again until my kids are in school.

Year 2/Day 79

Year 2/Day 79

Tonight is a night to unload my brain.  I’m not seeking attention, I just need to figure things out and that’s what this blog is for me.  I know I have a lot of wonderful people who support and love me, and to those if you’re reading this…thank you, and I love you.

But, I’m sad.  I start crying when the smallest thing upsets me.

I’m stressed.  I start snapping when the littlest thing don’t go my way.

I’m tired.  I finally get a “good nights sleep” and wake up even more tired than before.

I’m overwhelmed.  I want to shut down and quit caring.

Yeah, yeah, I know…I’m working and in my last semester of nursing school.  It’s hard.  People tell me, “You’re almost there!”  Most days I can take that positively and think “You can do this Brandi, just push through.”  But some days, that’s the last thing I want to hear.  What if I can’t?  What if I don’t want to?

However, I can’t quit.  I know that.  I am so close to the end it would be stupid to quit now…and expensive.  But, I’m sad.  I’m stressed.  I’m tired.  I’m overwhelmed.

I’m depressed.  And then I get mad at myself for being depressed.  And then I cry.

I can’t concentrate when I finally do force myself to study and that frustrates me even more.  “Maybe I need a nap”…and then sleep alllllll night.  “I’ll do it tomorrow”…and then it’s the next day, then the next…

Basically, I’m a mess.  I want to pour freezing water over my head and wake myself out of this funk.  But I know it’s not that easy, and I know my life isn’t bad.  I understand that I have a lot to be grateful for and I am.  Nevertheless, the feelings still exist.  The doubts and frustrations and worries and expectations and pressures are intense and heavy.

I’ll get through it though, that I know.  I’m just walking down a very rocky, winding road without any shoes on and it hurts.  There’s a beautiful waterfall ahead…somewhere…that I’m sure of.

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