Year 2/Day 81

image

I got to pet sit this adorable little fur ball this weekend.  Such a sweetie.

Year 2/Day 80

image

I helped with a catering event for work tonight…high school homecoming game…eeks.

I haven’t been back to a high school since I graduated, and I think I’d be ok to not go back again until my kids are in school.

Year 2/Day 79

Year 2/Day 79

Tonight is a night to unload my brain.  I’m not seeking attention, I just need to figure things out and that’s what this blog is for me.  I know I have a lot of wonderful people who support and love me, and to those if you’re reading this…thank you, and I love you.

But, I’m sad.  I start crying when the smallest thing upsets me.

I’m stressed.  I start snapping when the littlest thing don’t go my way.

I’m tired.  I finally get a “good nights sleep” and wake up even more tired than before.

I’m overwhelmed.  I want to shut down and quit caring.

Yeah, yeah, I know…I’m working and in my last semester of nursing school.  It’s hard.  People tell me, “You’re almost there!”  Most days I can take that positively and think “You can do this Brandi, just push through.”  But some days, that’s the last thing I want to hear.  What if I can’t?  What if I don’t want to?

However, I can’t quit.  I know that.  I am so close to the end it would be stupid to quit now…and expensive.  But, I’m sad.  I’m stressed.  I’m tired.  I’m overwhelmed.

I’m depressed.  And then I get mad at myself for being depressed.  And then I cry.

I can’t concentrate when I finally do force myself to study and that frustrates me even more.  “Maybe I need a nap”…and then sleep alllllll night.  “I’ll do it tomorrow”…and then it’s the next day, then the next…

Basically, I’m a mess.  I want to pour freezing water over my head and wake myself out of this funk.  But I know it’s not that easy, and I know my life isn’t bad.  I understand that I have a lot to be grateful for and I am.  Nevertheless, the feelings still exist.  The doubts and frustrations and worries and expectations and pressures are intense and heavy.

I’ll get through it though, that I know.  I’m just walking down a very rocky, winding road without any shoes on and it hurts.  There’s a beautiful waterfall ahead…somewhere…that I’m sure of.

Year 2/Day 78

Year 2/Day 78

I tried cucumber and lemon in my water at work today and it was surprisingly good.  So, I tried making a pitcher of it at home.  It’s interesting because the lemon is sometimes to acidic, but the cucumbers help balance the acidity.  (Just don’t put too much cucumbers…then you have the opposite problem!)

Year 2/Day 77

Year 2/Day 77

Blah.

Year 2/Day 76

Year 2/Day 76

We got our OWN washer and dryer today!!  Yay!!  Let the washing and drying (at MY convenience) begin.

Year 2/Day 75

Year 2/Day 75

It’s really starting to feel like fall.  Leaves are turning colors, weather is getting cooler, Halloween and Christmas decorations are all over the place.  Today was a beautiful day to be outside.

I started my day with clinical, but only stayed 8 hours.  My grandma was coming to visit, and we had to get the place in some kind of order to have guests over.  Once they got here, we gave them a tour and chatted for awhile.  Then we went out for dinner at Red Lobster.  Yum.  It’s great that they are able to stop by on their way down to Florida.  I see them more than my own folks!  :)

Previous Older Entries Next Newer Entries

%d bloggers like this: